The past couple of days have been very surreal for me. Since Thursday I've been unable to sleep (this was a combination of an evil Slimfast energy drink and medication for paranoia/anxiety). I don't mean to be overly dramatic but it was pure hell. I was so exhausted and tried to lay down but I couldn't. 5 minutes after, I really wanted to get up and read or walk around. I tried reading but I couldn't concentrate and I didn't want to watch TV becuase it strained my eyes. I was constantly pacing and getting up and down. My parents got very agitated about this and both tried to hold me down. Finally FINALLY I went to that bitch of a psychiatrist on Monday and she sqawked that she already sent something on Friday. Ugh I better get a new one soon because it just seems like she doesn't care and wants to experiment on me She even said that my problem is much more complicated than simple depression. It could be bipolar or severe paranoia (you tell a sleep-deprived person that and they feel SO much better) Wait a minute. So she doesn't even know what she's treating me for yet she's still giving me medication. And another thing, since when do I have to accept being a lab rat? That stupid woman (she kinda looks like Umbridge)said I've been very clear cut (yes or no) about what I want to do/am comfortable with. Well, excuse me if it bothers me to ingest foreign chemicals into my body that could drastically affect my behavior. In late Febuary I saw her twice (once every 2 weeks)and then once in April and again a few days ago. I saw her for 20 minutes each time so that alone qualifies her to trial and error drugs into my system. That first goddamn day she tells me to increase the dosage so it will "work faster." Um, shouldn't she wait and ask me how I'm feeling for a few sessions first. Plus it mystified her as to why I felt like a completely different person after spending just a week in the hospital. She seemed so bored and confused with me that I got the impression that she didn't like me. So glad that I'm switching. I may even switch therapists,too because she basically defended the doctor as well.
- Current Mood: moody